God's Working On Me - Part 1

**sharky67** · #1 11-02-2009

God has been teaching me so many things lately. I was asked to give a testimony last Saturday (October 31st) at the Men's breakfast at my church. I was tearing up as I shared what God has been teaching me in my life. I wanted to share that testimony with you guys:

I have been asked this morning to speak about Tanya and my recent experience of seeking God’s will for our lives. As many of you know, we were going through a process to see if God was calling us to full-time ministry at Beacon Bible camp. So how did we know we were seeking God’s will? Well, I believe it started with an open heart and a willingness to follow God wherever He led. We felt doors here in Toronto closing. Certain things like ministry, job-related happenings and the like led us to believe that God was calling us elsewhere. So we started on a process, after much prayer and counselling, to see if this was indeed God’s calling for us.

It's been interesting to say the least. The doors that we thought we're closing here in Toronto (which really prompted us to begin the process) have now started swinging wide open. We feel that God has put us through our own Abraham experience. That is, to see if we were willing to go. Because we were, God is now blessing us here in the city - spiritually, emotionally, financially, etc. We get the distinct feeling that our calling is still here so we have decided (and this was just about a week ago) to withdraw our names for consideration. I can't begin to tell you the emotional swing we've been on lately. Up and down, side to side - but having this kind of assurety of where we are for now has helped me breathe a huge sigh of relief. Seeking God's will is quite the emotional roller coaster - a true battle of my human side and spiritual side. But we are sure we are making the right call for now, if that even makes any sense. I took a personality test for the process recently which revealed to me some things about me that were aha moments. I kind of knew them anyway but getting insight into how people may be perceiving me was interesting. I'm going to really start working on being the man God wants me to be. So it looks like our prayers have been answered. I have no doubt God wanted us to go through this process to increase our faith but am content to know I am walking in His will and not just chasing dreams.

Now I want to take this testimony in a completely different direction as God has put on my heart to talk to you men about love, specifically in the area of forgiveness.

(Read second post for the rest)

**sharky67** · #2 11-02-2009

Part 2

Again, I refer to the personality test I took which revealed those aha moments of how I may be being perceived. A couple of weekends ago, I was privileged to be able to help out on the Senior High guy’s weekend up in Muskoka. We had a couple of really cool chats, but one stands out in my mind. During the weekend, we were chatting about what it means to be a man of God and looking at some Biblical examples. This time, we were all sitting in the basement of the cottage and Steve asked us to go around in the circle and share about one or two men who had a deep and profound influence on our lives, particularly spiritually. As we went around the circle, I had the privilege of sharing how my dad and Joe Spencer impacted my life. The boys had some powerful examples as well. Here’s where it got interesting for me. Two of these young men shared my name as someone who had impacted them deeply. Now many of us would be bursting with pride at this point, but for me it caused an extreme feeling of humility and profound sadness. Now I have no problems feeding into the lives of these young men in our church but I seem to have a real difficulty with the issues that come in regards to family dynamics. How can I have such an influence in their lives and I can’t even get along with my siblings. A recent email I received had spoken about the lack of love we siblings felt for one sibling in particular. So that morning, in the cottage during my quiet time I asked myself, do I not love my brother? Of course I do! That’s why the dysfunction hurts so much. So I did some deep soul reflection. Love, what is love. As I often do, I turned to God’s Word – the famous love chapter of 1 Corinthians 13 ought to answer my questions. Boy, was I in for a humbling experience.

The passage starts:

1 If I speak the languages of men and of angels, but do not have love,
I am a sounding gong or a clanging cymbal.
2 If I have [the gift of] prophecy,
and understand all mysteries and all knowledge,
and if I have all faith, so that I can move mountains,
but do not have love, I am nothing.
3 And if I donate all my goods to feed the poor,
and if I give my body to be burned,
but do not have love, I gain nothing.
Okay, I get all that, but I want to go through the checklist of what love is.:
4 Love is patient; love is kind.
Am I always patient – strike one. How about kind? Sure, most of the time but again not always – strike two! Yikes, am I sure I want to go on?
Love does not envy;
is not boastful; is not conceited;
Okay, got me there again. Sometimes I get envious at people’s lots in life. Why does God seemingly bless those who don’t deserve it – in my evaluation? Wow! What an eye-opener. So far I’m at 3 strikes.
Boastful? That’s definitely not me. Conceited? Again, I don’t believe that’s an issue in my life. Or am I just being boastful about that? Hmmmm…..
5 does not act improperly; is not selfish;
Do I have selfish motives hidden inside for my actions? Yikes! If I’m brutally honest. I think I do.
is not provoked; does not keep a record of wrongs;
This is the one that really hit me. I realized that I did keep a record of wrongs. Everytime I tried to reconnect, I would go through a checklist of wrongdoings and rehash the hurt, hoping for some kind of resolution to the issues, when really all I was doing was rehashing the pain. It was like there were these adults on opposite sides of the room with a huge wall of pride in the center. None of us were willing to break down that wall. We were holding a proverbial scale and putting all that we felt we did to each other on it and seeing which way the scales tipped. Aha! See, I told you!!!! It’s heavier on your side!! When really, what God was asking from us was to throw out the scale, break down the pride wall and run across the room to each other and embrace each other in love! In 1 Corinthians 13 love! Wow! As humbling as it was to come to this realization, it has been incredibly freeing.
6 love finds no joy in unrighteousness, but rejoices in the truth;
And this is the result of that realization! Truth, sweet truth and a soulful rejoicing that goes along with it!
7 love bears all things, believes all things,
hopes all things, endures all things.
8 Love never ends.
Wow, wow, wow! I’ve read this passage hundreds, if not thousands of times. But I never truly “got it” until 2 weekends ago. Love, what is love? Ask me. I know what it is now.

13 Now these three remain: faith, hope, and love.
But the greatest of these is love.
The end result of this realization? I have reconnected with my sibling and his family. We are working towards a complete and utter trust, bound in the cords of Christian unity, based on the kind of love that Paul describes in 1 Corinthians 13. God is good. After 42 years, 35 of which have been spent living under His grace, I have finally been able to learn what it means to extend that kind of grace, that kind of love to others. Guys, I hope this resonated with you. If we can learn from each other’s mistakes and support each other and be each other’s cheerleaders along the path, we can avoid the unnecessary pain that comes form stubbornness and pride. I have found out what love is – what true love is. And we can all revel in that kind of love. My God richly bless each and every one of you and be at the center of your relationships.

Chris

**warrior** · #3 11-02-2009

Thanks Chris;though I heard it in person;still challenging;being cynical is an area God is working on in me to weed out.and along with Romans 14,ouch!

Grinn · #4 11-02-2009

Great stuff, Chris. I would say something here, but lets talk. I need your friendship. Not that it was gone, but it hasnt been solid. What do you think?